Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
BRING THE BAGELS
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
