I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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