you guys were way drunker than both of me
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Your penis caused this!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
