FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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