i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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