omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
