You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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