Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
