..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Randomize
