sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
