So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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