For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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