I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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