The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
