My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
