We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
