I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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