Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
