the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
