grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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