U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize