Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
