It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
