You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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