I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
