you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
