um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
