i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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