I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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