I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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