So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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