My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize