So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
