Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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