I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
