does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Can I color on your dick again?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
