Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
