i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize