with your own penis?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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