I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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