i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
