I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
