What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
