yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Semen is not good for contacts.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
