margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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