is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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