I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Damn victory sex feels great
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
