Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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