Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
