Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
