Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
