My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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