I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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