Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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