Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
