Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
