I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
