i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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