he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
