my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
