just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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