I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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