This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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