if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
