i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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